I need a solstice.
I need the peace that the past is done. I need the hope that the future is coming.
I think we all need that right now. Yet it is one more relief we are being systematically denied.
I’m angry and I want to fight, but there is nobody to fight. Just people I wish could experience empathy and I can’t fight that into them.
After all these years, these four fucking years, my anger has become a formidable wall around me. I’ve only managed to spare my wife and child. Thank the Gods, all of them.
I want justice for the dead. All of the dead. I still want justice for the innocent Iraqi and Afghani civilians killed in our war. Silent ghosts now almost drifted away like sand. But I still keep them close. I want justice for our own civilians here who were slowly occupied by a dystopian police force dedicated to hyperviolence. Again, stupidly, I scream that this too is a product of our forever wars.
But who gives a fuck?
Nobody. We’re dead. Inside. We’re too exhausted to be humans. We’re too exhausted to care. The perfect drone. Overqualified, even.
It is so hard, with each and every lie you torment our minds as we try to collect the data and the reason and you laugh at us for caring. It was all a fucking chess game for trolls to laugh at those that care.
FOUR FUCKING YEARS!!!
How do we go back?
We must not.
We are inside of a machine that we cannot trust. We are told that reprogramming it to be humane is impossible or at least too expensive. They arrest you for trying now. That is actually true.
After Cain killed Able (the Bible, pg. 2 lol) God asked him where Able went and this absolute madman said, and I paraphrase here for emphasis which is my right because nobody was there and nobody can tell me otherwise, Cain says:
“[Hey buddy,] what am I? my brother’s keeper?”
Anyways, Cain moved off and founded the first city which he named after his first son Enoch and then we all came from that shit. LOL.
What I’m trying to say is that while we are, individually, usually good people, we, people of Christian or Catholic faith based societies, are not good. We absolutely never have been.
Jesus was a radical. They’d call him Antifa today. Because he liked feeding people and so does Antifa but again who gives a fuck right? If you are going to send people to die for that fucking book please read the mother fucker. If you’re going to threaten to kill Antifa please spend ten minutes to figure out who the fuck they are.
I don’t have any answers for how we move forward. Just a lot of fear and paranoia.
Until we can all resolutely say that hurting people is bad I am just not convinced this society is worth saving.
But I have a child so I feel compelled to try. To continue to hope.
I feel like now is the time for every anarchist or communist or antifascist to be living the values they espoused because they are good values. They are critical now.
I’m babbling. But you know that. And I don’t apologize for who I am anymore.
Thanks
The Paper Trail 